So I happen to be reading the blog of a random person – someone I don't know personally but a friend of a friend that had her blog linked to a blog I regularly read. Anyways, in this blog, the mom did a great job of celebrating milestones with her baby girl. So, as we celebrate 7 months of a world filled with the smiling face of our little boy, I felt inspired to do the same. I feel as if I need to back up a few months and go off memory to get everyone caught up!
Pregnancy
Of course looking back at this time now, I already feel nostalgic! First, pregnancy was hard. I mean I lamented almost every moment of it and asked friends with several children how in the world they did this more than once! Part of me felt relief knowing this was a one-time life experience and that gave me the hope I needed to get through. These same women I queried said that it is amazing how you forget how tough pregnancy was after they are here, that is until you are pregnant again, remembering vividly why you swore never again! I find this funny because now that Breck is 6 months old, I feel exactly the same way. If God decided to bless us with another child, another certain miracle since it isn't something I would expect to happen as a “surprise” just because we were blessed enough to have Breck, I would be blown away and love it! Not the being pregnant again part but having this amazing little wonder I get to hold in my hands...amazing! On this subject, I feel I must make a comment...everyone assumes that we could easily have another child if we wanted. I think some just forget the long ordeal we went through to have Breck in the first place. Of course others say this because they know people who struggled with infertility and now have had several children naturally. Believe me – there is no question in my mind that God performs miracles! I get to hold one every day!! But our biological situation is quite different from many other couples who struggle with infertility. We talked specifically with Brian's specialist about what would need to happen to have another child and he said we would absolutely have to go through the exact same procedure we did before. That means invitro for me (if I even have any viable eggs left at all which the doctor didn't think I would months from last year when we got pregnant) and a lovely surgery to extract for Brian. And not that every single step we had to take last year wasn't absolutely worth it – I cannot honestly stare into these beautiful blue eyes of my son and think that every sacrifice and hardship along the way wasn't worth it – it just isn't something we can do again. So, with that said, we are moving forward with the mindset that God answered our prayers. We prayed that we would get to be parents and we are. I refuse to live my life one more day in a state of longing. I have everything I've ever wanted and plan to spend every second soaking up the joy that fills my life because of how very blessed we are.
Ok, enough about that...it's just that when I think back to when Breck was born and look at him now, my heart swells in a way I can't describe.
So, like I started out saying...I remember the long weeks in between appointments when we would catch glimpses of our son on an ultrasound monitor. I remember being very nervous and fearful every step of the way, just wanting so bad for everything to be ok and get to the point where I could hold my son in my arms. I loved the moment I first got to feel my son inside of me. Friends describe the feeling to newly pregnant moms as a butterfly sensation. And I guess that's what it feels like. I remember just wanting so bad to feel him and then when I did, I never stopped! My boy kicked ALL THE TIME! Seriously, all hours of the day, the child just kicked and kicked. It made me feel better about everything though. And sweet boy got the hiccups every day. I would hold my tummy and caress it in a circle and he would stop. Brian would lean over and talked to Breck all the time. I remember how sweet it was that every day he would come home and anxiously ask how we were doing. He was very eager to see us both! And sometimes when he talked to Breck, he would give him a hard time (like on an ultrasound we saw that Breck was sucking his thumb and Brian told him he better stop that!). Anyways, Breck got to where when Brian would lean down to talk to him, that he would kick him! I rooted him on since his daddy deserved it for giving him a hard time already. Brian was shocked how hard he kicked his face once and told me he felt sorry for me if that's what it felt like to my organs all the time. In the days leading up to Breck's birth, I just wanted to meet him so badly. Of course we live in Texas where the summers are hot but this summer was ridiculous. It was 114 on a few occasions! I started to swell all over and become very miserable – and just in time to go back to school! I remember thinking, I just have to make it through the first few days of school and then I'll be fine. We had an appointment scheduled to be induced by Friday, August 27th but at our appointment a week prior, the doctor said that it looked like a c-section would be best. This scared me tremendously! I mean I wasn't looking forward to childbirth at all but I knew that a c-section would require extra recovery time and I just wanted to be able to take care of Breck when he got here. On Thursday of that week, I went to school only to discover the power had been out in part of my hallway. So, they relocated me to a different room but it was a bit hot in the building. At this point, just standing for a few minutes was monumental and within a bit of school starting, I felt something strange. Most women go into labor and then their water breaks but I knew my mom had her water break and I came very quickly after that (my dad was still registering her at the front desk and I was already named), so I was concerned that this is what happened. I waited a bit, not wanting to be one of those women who is mistaken about such things but again, the same strange feeling. When I asked the school nurse and described what had happened, she thought indeed my water had broken. I called Brian (who was in the middle of teaching) and asked if he felt like a trip to the hospital. It was funny because my friends (fellow teachers) and even my principal started getting a bit antsy and wanted to rush me to the hospital. Since we were all of five minutes from the hospital and Brian's school was just down the street, I figured we could stand to wait. When Brian pulled up, he was quite excited. We went to the hospital and hours later, they told me to come back in the morning for my regularly scheduled c-section. I was disappointed but it turned out to be a good thing. One – I got to experience the rush of what I thought was going into labor. It was kind of crazy but fun to have people all around you react to that. And I got to make the phone call to Brian that I envisioned for so long telling him it was time (even though it turned out to not be...). The best part though was going home and sitting in the back yard that evening with the complete realization that it was the last evening that our lives would ever be like that. It was such an awesome feeling looking out into our backyard knowing that soon it would be filled with the sound of our son playing.
Having Breck
I won't lie – I was scared to death to have Breck. Going through surgery had me so freaked out that I started to get very anxious and my blood pressure skyrocketed. By the time they got me ready to go back to the OR (they take you back and give you the block then let your husband in), I was beyond a state of breathing evenly. When things didn't go as planned (the block wasn't taking effect and I was throwing up the medicine), I started to worry that Brian wouldn't get to see his son born. I had to mentally get a grip and force myself to calm down (I think the doc might have helped with that too since I felt a little out of it soon after). I made the mistake of looking up once and seeing a reflection in the overhead light of the rest of my body being opened up – believe me it only took a split second and then I was looking anywhere else! It was so strange though – I knew they were taking care of Breck but it was like my head was so foggy I couldn't force myself to care about the details of what was happening. When they pulled him out I remember hearing the doctor say that it was a good thing we had gone with the c-section right from the start instead of trying to have Breck because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. I remember hearing that but my mind just wouldn't grasp how serious it could have been – perhaps that is the grace of God at work. I remember Brian laughing as he described a stream of pee coming from our son as he was pulled out of my tummy but I couldn't fathom how that would gross me out on any other day. As the doc handed him to the nurse, I remember hearing her say he was peeing all over her too and thinking that's funny. I looked to my left and saw my son there and thought how surreal the moment was. Without pain, without pushing, without feeling anything or seeing anything, in one second I saw this baby and was told he was mine. It all just felt so unbelievable. I will say that as my body spiraled into complication after complication, all that crossed my mind was the sense of how wonderful it was that I got to meet him. Even if I never got to raise him, at least I was able to bring him into this world. They had a certain protcol that required the mother to carry the baby out of the OR into recovery but my body was shaking uncontrollably to the point I was scared to death to have them place him in my arms. I wanted to hold him so badly but I couldn't force my body to cooperate. They did place him on my chest and had to hold him with my arms in the nurse's grasp to make it happen. I have the sweetest pictures of him in those first few minutes with us. It was so important to me to enjoy some time with just the three of us – and how precious it was! A few hours later (when they finally felt that my body was cooperating with recovery) we were wheeled to a room on the other side of the wing. As we crossed the lobby, I remember seeing that beaming smile on Brian's face as he held his son out for his parents to see.
Newborn
At the hospital, it was great to see friends and family stop by and meet our little boy. I think he probably took a thousand pictures in those first few days. I remember Breck's first night with us. I still had the block (it lasts 24 hours) so I couldn't get out of bed. Brian was sleeping on the sofa in the room and Breck was in his crib in between us. We were told that he needed to eat every three hours so Brian set an alarm on his phone to wake us. Well – at least it woke one of us! I am laying in the hospital bed trying to get Brian's attention without startling Breck, but Brian isn't stirring. Eventually I am shouting Brian's name but he still won't wake up. The phone is still going off driving me nuts and yelling isn't stirring anyone. In my head I'm thinking how ridiculous it will be to call a nurse just to have her wake my husband. I try to find something on the tray table that I can toss at him but there's not much to choose from. There were a few plastic cups so I try tossing them...as the second one hits the floor, I see Brian sits straight up (shocked and wide awake) and Breck's arms shoot straight up – at the exact same time. All I can think is really? Both my boys will sleep through anything and then wake up with a shock out of nowhere... In the hospital, they kept telling me to not get too used to the idea of him being an easy baby...
Early days...the boy liked to sleep! This turned out to be a good thing because I was exhausted too! Even then, he was so easy to take care of. He had such a cute little cry. Brian and I joked that it sounded like he was always asking about Hawaii because of the way his cry sounded like Kuai.
His first meal out...On the Border! To many it will be no surprise that we went out to eat there first! My recovery from the c-section was going ok...I was still a little slow going at times but we were excited to start getting out of the house. We made it to church when Breck was only two weeks old. We have so many friends that have become like family that we were dying for Breck to meet everyone. And maybe we were dying to show him off...just a little bit!
Breck started sleeping in his own room at only 4 days old. He nurses every three hours like the boy has an alarm clock going off. He didn't start out doing this very well but soon caught on to the whole you have to work for your food thing. By night time, we try to put him down after his 9pm feed so that I can sleep til midnight, then 3, then 6. He absolutely must be swaddled to sleep or he will flail about and wake himself up.
4 Weeks
The best thing is that Breck was born exactly four weeks before my birthday so every year, whatever day his birthday falls on will be the same as mine. We decided it was very important for us to go and get monthly pictures. At this session, the photographer couldn't believe he was just four weeks old because of the way he could hold his head up on his own. He was just so tiny! Between 4-6 weeks, he started to show a little personality. We ventured out to the fair because I was dying to get out of the house and walk around on such a beautiful afternoon in October. Breck had just begun to smile for the first time and at the fair we captured it in a picture.
Unfortunately, at 6 weeks, we both had to go back to work. I took Breck to the zoo for the first time on our very last day of maternity leave. We had a great time though he slept through most of it. We decided to get a family pass to the zoo and have since enjoyed it many more times! And now that Breck recognizes things, it's fun to see him look around and take everything in.
He is still eating every three hours (4 oz.) and looks long and super skinny! Sleeping swaddled in his crib is going very well! Breck naps well throughout the day. We have him on an eat, play, sleep cycle but his playtime is pretty limited. It seems to take forever to feed so by the time we blink, it is already time to start all over again. I am anxious to enjoy time with him awake longer than 15-20 minutes at a time!
Brian's favorite memories from this time is the sweet snuggles from his son falling asleep on his chest. He would just curl up and make you feel all warm inside. I do remember at one point wondering why we bought him any clothes because he spit up all the time. He literally had a bib on constantly and it stayed soaked too.
2 Months
I can't believe how fast Breck was already 2 months old...it was right around Halloween and he got to meet extended family for the first time when we went to Aunt Brittany's Halloween party in Oklahoma City. It was also our first adventure to Oklahoma and we did it just the two of us since daddy had football. I wasn't sure how he would do in the car but on short trips, it seemed to go well so I was hopeful! The day we were supposed to leave Breck wasn't feeling well in the morning so we worried we would have to cancel but he was feeling better that afternoon and we were on our way! This was also his first sleepover with his “big brother” Wake and though Breck slept through most of it, I know he loved it! We had so much fun at the party and there was a sweet moment when Nini held Breck and I could hear her whisper into his ear how much he was prayed over and loved. I tear up even now thinking about it. In my heart, I could see Papa right there along side her just holding our little boy and smiling away. I was very humbled in that moment and forever indebted to her because I know without her love and generosity we wouldn't have had that special moment at all.
At Breck's two month pictures, Brian and I jumped into the session and snapped our first official family pics. They turned out super cute! When we were in Oklahoma, Grams and Papa got in on the fun and took pics with their grandsons too.
So it was like Breck knew life was changing dramatically the day I had to go back to work. The night before was the first he went to sleep at 9pm and didn't wake until 6am. Yes – we are sleeping through the night! Still in the eat, play, sleep cycle though he is starting to really develop his eyesight and notice things when he is awake – though it is quite brief. Daycare is going well. The ladies at Primrose really love our little boy and I feel as if he is completely safe and well taken care of – thank goodness! Some days he sleeps better than others at school though. On days he doesn't nap well there he is completely knocked out that evening at home. This makes me sad because I want to see him and play but I'll settle for snuggles instead.
3 Months
Three months hit right around Thanksgiving. Breck was definitely starting to exhibit quite a personality. I have a picture from Thanksgiving when Wake is holding him and the two of them both have such a mischievous look on their faces. It was like looking through a window into the future of what we have to look forward to with the two of them. Breck started sitting up as long as he could lean back on something or someone. He liked to look around more and more so he started getting fussy if you tried to hold him like a baby. He saw himself as a big boy and wanted to start addressing the world with his “tug the heartstrings” smiles. One of the things I started to notice was that Breck kicks when he gets excited. He started kicking more and more and interacting with everyone this month. Breck has transitioned well to school and his schedule there. He really likes his “kick and play” bouncer and has a similar one at school that he looks forward to. Both have a vibrating seat which does a great job of putting him to sleep. He is the youngest in his class at school and often just watches the other kids and the things they are doing. He smiles big when I take him so I know he likes it at Primrose.
4 Months
It was like a floodgate had been opened by Christmas when he turned 4 months. Breck readily giggled and smiled at anyone that got in his eyesight. He definitely recognized his name and turned to see who was talking to him. He was tall enough to start sitting in his jumper (though we placed towels below it to give him a few inches). Once he realized he had an outlet for all that jumping energy, he would just bounce away! We took him to Oklahoma for Christmas and we were so surprised to see how excited he was to open presents. We truly thought he was too small to know what was going on or care but place a present in front of him and he would pull at the wrapping. Get it unwrapped and he would start reaching out and playing with it. We also took him to Breckenridge – of course – and were so excited to see how much he loved it there. We didn't have any problems whatsoever. Breck became a big fan of the mobi wrap so he could easily be carried and look out to greet everyone on the street at the same time. Breck experienced his first snowfall, played in the snow and just took in the sights like a real champ. He made it so easy to take him all over the place with us and never caused a problem in public. When we returned home, he went to his 4 month doctor visit and we got the all clear to start food. We made his rice cereal very liquidy the first time and he just kind of took it all in, moved it around with his tongue and let some drool right on out. After that, it didn't take him long to learn to love it. He preferred oatmeal to the rice and when he started trying that, he happily gulped it down. His favorite first puree was squash and soon became a fan of sweet potatoes as well. Papa started working with Breck to show him how to move his legs and figure out how to roll over but it would take a while longer before Breck tried it often on his own.
Our favorite moment on vacation in Breckenridge was when we got out of the car after first arriving. I put Breck in the Mobi and we started to walk around and I said, “Don't you just love it here?” and Breck replied with what sounded exactly like, “Yeah -I love it!” Brian and I both looked at each other and said, did you hear that? It has become one of our favorite catch phrases!
Still sleeping through the night – like a rock star! - though we fear with his newfound mobility his days of sleeping swaddled are numbered...his feeding schedule has shifted with the introduction of food and now he eats 5 oz every 4 hours. This has felt like an amazing gift for me since now I feel like I can accomplish a few things before it's time to nurse again. With every three hours, it seemed it would take 30 minutes or so to feed him and by the time we were changed, fed, resting, it was a mere hour and a half before it started all over again. Breck returned to school after the wonderful two week winter break we had and absolutely refused to let them hold his bottle any longer. We thought this was pretty funny since with me he never gets a bottle so we aren't sure why he decided to assert his independence or where he learned to hold his own bottle all of a sudden!
5 Months
As Breck turned 5 months, he was really starting to transition to a little boy from a baby. Breck began working on sitting up and could do it for a few seconds before falling right over. He went to a park for the first time and found the joy of swinging. The look on his face was awesome as he swung. When the swing went back he smiled but as it came forward (and his tummy started to tickle) he just would get this “deer in the headlights” look. Breck now looks forward to his high chair and whatever eating adventure awaits. He is a great eater and hardly makes a mess at all – he doesn't want to spare the food! As the month wore on, Breck began sitting by himself for longer and longer. He also started enjoying bath time and wanted to splash all the time. We introduced him to toys in the bath and he loved them. This gave us the idea to take him swimming (our gym has heated indoor pools). We bought a little floatie and from the second we got there Breck just lit up. He wasn't scared for even a second. He even splashed water in his own face and never got upset. At one point, we put him in the floatie and since his feet could touch bottom, he used them to push himself far away from us. As he sailed away, he just grinned. That's my boy – a grinning, happy go lucky little boy – ALL THE TIME! Since he is all I've ever known, I just kind of take it for granted when people say what a good baby he is but we have encountered the other kind and know we are truly blessed with his laid back demeanor. For Valentine's, we went shopping and then to dinner and a movie – the three of us. Some of my friends mentioned never trying that but to me it wasn't a big deal at all. Breck just goes with the flow. Breck was also dedicated at church which was a very humbling experience. We are just so very blessed!
Breck has started noticing his toys more and will look at them and just scream at the top of his lungs – not like he's upset or anything, he just raises his little voice and lets his lungs loose. It's pretty entertaining.
Our days of peaceful sleep have been few. Breck had done exceptionally well for so long with sleeping through the night but ever since Christmas Break, he has really struggled. We have had to let him cry it out several times which is hard – well until I mute the monitor and fall back asleep. I wake up with a start and realize 30 minutes (or longer) has gone by but thankfully he is back asleep. He is just rolling around more – to his side and back – which makes me worry about him being swaddled. We have tried out not swaddling him but he just screams and screams and nobody sleeps!
6 Months
It almost makes me cry to think my little boy is 6 months old already. Part of me feels like it is flying by too quickly and I get sad to think my one shot is passing me by. The other part of me is so excited at watching him grow and become a little man that I love every second watching him take the world in. My little boy now sits up easily by himself for the longest time. He has really grown to love his Winnie and lights up any time she comes near (which is all the time!). She is awesome with him as he learns to grasp things – especially since what he oftens grasps is her fur! She never gets upset or bites him (sometimes opens her mouth and puts his hand inside but doesn't bite down – and he thinks this is hilarious). The only thing is that he is a drooling machine and Winnie thinks it's her job to keep her boy clean. This means she is constantly trying to lick him clean – YUCK! We are working on boundaries – for both of them! At this month's appointment, Breck gets to graduate to more complex foods and even tried yogurt melts the other day. He sucks on things he likes and just savors the flavor. He has a really funny face for things he doesn't care for – like green beans – and though he will eat them the face and gag reflex he has is about more than I can take! He is 27 ½ inches long and 16.9 lbs. This means he is long and lean – just like his daddy! He is wearing 6 month old clothes right on schedule. He even cut two teeth just the other day – his bottom front two are coming in together. Poor boy has a double ear infection (second one since Christmas) but you wouldn't know anything is bothering him from his happy smile. The only time he ever gets fussy is when he is super tired (and even then it is a little whine and shakes his head from side to side before giving up the fight) or super hungry (and that cry isn't so much as loud as sad since he lets the big tears flow then). He eats every four hours (breastmilk) and has cereal/puree at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Well, it happened. We had feared our days of swaddled sleep were few and sure enough one morning Breck was on his stomach, face down, in his swaddle. That was it - no more swaddle sleeping now that he was rolling over. And the worst part is he hates being on his stomach so he doesn't do tummy time well. He just gets frustrated and buries his face down into the blanket instead of turning it to the side so I'm scared to death of what that means at night! We went through a very LONG week of nobody sleeping as he adjusted to his newfound freedom in the crib. And watching him on the monitor was ridiculous. He was all over the place – all night long. He turns completely around, uses every square inch of the crib, curls up in a ball and eventually falls asleep on his stomach, hiney in the air, arms pinned at his chest, SNORING! He seems to have transitioned well but it took me an additional week to ever sleep because I kept waking up every few hours to check the monitor and make sure he could breathe that way. Finally, I've just had to pray for peace in my own heart and trust that God is watching over him when I can't. Definitely a tough lesson to learn!
He has started babbling more and more but lately it sounds like he is saying real words. The first most prominent one sounds like “Bob” which Papa Boydstun loves and he says “dad” on occasion too.
7 months
Breck’s two bottom teeth have come in fully in the time between turning 6 and 7 months. And boy does he use them! We have had several incidents (painful for me!) where Breck got in trouble for biting. He hasn’t done it since (crossing my fingers!) so I’m hoping we’re good. The bad news is his top two seem on the verge of being next. Can’t even comprehend the biting magnitude four teeth together could possess – eeeek – don’t want to think about that at all!
It seems like overnight Breck started sitting up independently all the time. He does still like to let his body go and I’m amazed how in a few short seconds he can be sitting up and then completely sprawled out in the other direction. He wants so badly to crawl and has being throwing himself on his stomach and “swimming” on the carpet. We help him get into crawling position but he can’t quite put it all together yet and make anything happen. He rocks back and forth and then just face plants! He has managed to perfect his swimming though in that he can cover the space of his entire mat in just a few minutes of moving to the left or right. Before we know it, he has done a complete 360 or rolled a few times to be on the other side of his play area.
He is a big boy and everything we do just shows this off more and more. He sits up in a chair happily. When you hold him he is so stinking long that he covers half my length already! We measured him the other day and he grew an inch just in the past month! He babbles tons more and regularly says da da and ba ba. He will occasionally say mom but it’s funny since he does it only when he’s really trying to get my attention. He cracks up and has the cutest giggle. And when we pick him up from school, he lets loose with the best laugh and smile you can imagine. He’s awesome around people and loves other kids. When people talk, he just stares at them with his beautiful blues and makes you think he really cares what you’re saying.
He has started using his Radio Flyer wagon and just looks adorable in it. We love taking his on walks and watch him just taking everything in. It is crazy to see him in this wagon though because he looks like such a big boy in it.
